Counting my Blessings

I am sitting here on the eve of Christmas Eve and I am thinking about all the time I waste on negative thoughts and feelings. This past week someone very important in my son's life lost their father to suicide. My heart absolutely breaks for them. Death is hard to begin with, but to lose someone unexpectedly and by their own hand is devastating. Life is so precious and should not be taken for granted, yet there are so many moments that are. I don't try to be ungrateful for my life and my blessings, but I know that at times I am. Tonight I want to refocus on my energy, my thoughts, and my feelings towards the positive. Tonight I am counting my blessings.

I am blessed...

* to have a loving husband
* with four healthy and happy (well when I'm not "ruining" their preteen/teenage lives) kids
* with good health
* to have such loving and supporting parents
* to have a house that we have made a home
* to have meaningful friendships
* with kindness and love in my heart
* to have the best siblings and nieces and nephews on the planet!
* with a husband who works super hard so that I can be home with the kids
* to have a husband who supports me 100%
* with children that love me unconditionally
* to have the cutest and cuddliest cats

Tonight, and every night, I am blessed to be alive.

Until next time,

xoxo

Monday Mumblings

When I had a life outside of my home I would dread Mondays like everyone else, but now I have no real feelings about it. My Mondays usually consist of piles of laundry, creating my to do list for the week, and decorating my planner. I fell of the gym wagon and I need to get back on it and soon! I am feeling frumpy again so the sooner I get back into my routine the better. 

Last week I read "The Girl on the Train" and it was amazing! This week I am reading "The Gift of Fear" and I have only managed to get through one chapter so far. I've had this book now for over a year, as I got it from the instructor of the Self Defense class that my girls and I took. I know it is a book that I will get a lot out of. 

Christmas is only a few weeks away at this point and I've got nothing done. We brought the tree in from the garage, but it has been sitting in it's box for over a week now. It's on my list for this week so I hope that I can get it before the weekend. We are doing the Four Rules of Christmas (Want, Need, Wear, and Read) this year for our kids and they've been working on their lists. I am really excited to see what they will be asking for. I hope that they are putting some good thought into it. The Mister and I will also be doing this for each other, including a stocking for us this year as well! I have had a really hard time coming up with ideas for my list. There isn't anything I can think of that I really want. I did put down a Rose Gold Apple Watch, because I think it is beautiful, but it is not realistically in our budget. I find that the older I get the less things I can think of that I want. It may be because if I need really need something I just go and buy it. Who knew it making a wish list could be so stressful?! 

The boys had their first ever wrestling tournament over the weekend. They both did a wonderful job and they both placed 2nd! I am so proud of them. They have a home wrestling tournament next weekend and we are required to volunteer at it. I received an email today that said if you didn't volunteer they would charge you $200. Ummm what?! I absolutely think that is crap! We parents already spend a lot of money for our kids to participate in these activities and then we are going to get charged an insane amount of money if we don't volunteer? I didn't sign a contract that said I agreed to this, so I'm not sure that they could enforce it. However, I don't want my kids kicked out of this club because of it. I feel that this information should be provided at registration. Anyway, enough about that. 

The last couple of days have been rough on me emotionally. Adulting is so hard sometimes and I don't always deal with it well. Between hormones, the first anniversary of the death of my aunt, and the missed communications between me and the Mister I just want to curl up on the couch and cry. I won't...or maybe I will...I don't know. I do know that sometimes a good cry makes you feel better. 

I spend too much time in my head so I come here to write and then I feel like I can't get it all out like I want. 

Today makes 4 weeks until I go back to school! I am so excited to do be doing something for me. 

These Monday night football games lately have been so intense! Game is almost over so I'm signing off and heading to bed. 

Until next time, 

xxoo

Inconsiderate

I really cannot stand it when people are inconsiderate. I strive to be polite, thoughtful, and considerate on a daily basis, as that is how I was raised. I am human so I am flawed. I don't always show the best side of myself, but more often than not I do. I am aware of others feelings and how valuable their thoughts and time is, so I do my best to be considerate of that. 

My issue is that a lot of the time the same consideration and courtesy that I extend towards others is not reciprocated, and it is especially frustrating when it comes from friends and family. I sometimes feel that since I put forth quite a bit of effort and make myself available for them that the same would be returned. When it is not, I get frustrated and let my feelings get hurt. 

I don't really know what to do at this point, as I have had the same conversation 10 times over and nothing has changed. It is literally to the point know where I either need to step back and make myself less available, or I accept it for what it is and stop letting it hurt me. I am quick to take a stand for others, but have a hard time taking a stand for myself. When I do stand up for myself it is usually when I have hit my breaking point and I am so frustrated and emotional that it accomplishes nothing! I want to be heard. I want to be acknowledge. I want to be appreciated. A lot of the time I feel that I am not getting any of those things. It is going to drive me crazy if something doesn't change. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting the different results. Guess that means it's time to find a different approach....

Until next time

xxoo 

Unsettled

This is not the first time I've felt this way, I went through something similar 4 years ago with my first move. I was in a new state where I didn't know a soul and had no family or friends to help me out. My Mister worked a lot of hours and it was up to me to tend to the house and the kids. It was overwhelming at first, but eventually we got into a routine that worked for us. As the years went by I became more confident in my abilities to deal with the tough situations without having my parents there to bail me out if I needed them to. I feel that I truly became an independent adult during this time. Prior to getting married I was a single mom who relied on my parents help quite a bit when I was struggling. I am forever grateful for the love and the support that my parents have given me throughout my life.

During those four years I couldn't wait to come back home. I wanted so desperately to go back. I was having such a hard time trying to find me, as my entire identity was back home. This shitty attitude of mine caused tension between the Mister and myself, as I was projecting my frustrations with myself onto him. Totally unfair, but true nonetheless. It was somewhere in my third year there that I lost the attitude and decided to embrace the situation. I was making friends, volunteering my time coaching some of the kids sports, playing sports myself. I had made this place my home and I had a life there.

He was going to get out. We were going to move back to my hometown, that's what I thought I wanted. He received an opportunity that was to good to pass up and it would be stupid to let it pass. It took me a long ass time to realize that home is where my husband and kids are, so no matter where we were going to be assigned next, it was going to be home. Things have a funny way of working out and here we are back in my hometown, exactly where I whined about coming back to. Now that we are here, I am not sure how I feel. People ask me all the time if I'm happy to be back and, to be brutally honest, I'm not. I can't put my finger on what it is that makes feel this way, but I think it is because so much has changed in these past four years. I feel like I should be doing something more with my life now that I'm "home". I hate feeling so unsettled.

One of the other things that bothers me the most is that people that people expect me to go back to the way things were before, my "old life". I don't want to. I struggle with the fact that certain people don't accept my changes and push really hard for the me they used to know. I need my space. I have literally only relied on myself these past four years and I'm okay with that. I NEED my boundaries to be respected. I also need to acknowledge that these people have missed me and the kids. While I tend to feel suffocated and annoyed by certain things, I need to make a conscious effort to remember that they are coming from a place of love. They need to take the time to get to know our family unit as a whole and it's going to take longer than the 5 months that we have been here.

I go back to school in a month. It is not the graduate program that I was once a part of (and so desperately want to go back to); I won't hear the status of that for a few more months. I'm not sure how I feel about this upcoming change. It was never my aspiration to become a stay at home mom, but now that I am one, I can't imagine not being here every day when the kids come home from school. I don't want to overwhelm myself, but I don't want to let anyone down either. I need to find a good balance of what I want to do with my life. The answers aren't going to be found overnight. All I can do is take one day at a time and do the best I can with it.

Gosh this felt really good to get out. I am hopeful that typing these words out will help me sleep tonight with a clear mind.

Until next time,
xoxo

Currently

Reading the book that I  have been reading is called "Scream Free Parenting". I took this parenting class at our last duty station and learned so much from it. I stumbled across this book when I was wondering around Barnes & Nobles so I picked it up. It's a great read and I think all parents should check it out!

Anticipating The 13th birthday of my (not so) little girl!

Buying I am not buying anything right now. The Sephora VIB Rouge sale starts tomorrow and I do have my eye on a number of things!

Praying for this headache to go away.

Listening to my boys talking to each other and House on tv.

Watching House

Devouring Bai Ipanema Pomegranate water. Sooooo delicious!

Loving that it is Thursday, which means How to Get Away with Murder is on tonight. Cannot wait!

Hating my headache and the aches and pains I'm feeling from yesterdays workout. It hurts so good though.

Wanting to go get my nails done. I really want to get acrylics put on because I love the way they look! However, I hate the way they destroy my real nails. Decisions, decisions...first world problems, I know!

Hoping for the nice weather to continue! I am not looking forward to winter.

Feeling all of my 34 years today. Ugh...getting old sucks!

Wishing that the things we need to fall in place will. Whatever is meant to be will be, but sometimes I'm impatient and want it to happen now.

Linking up with Kristin today!

Until Next Time,

xxoo

So What Wednesday

So What....

*if this is the second blog post I have written today. Some days you gotta write.
*if I'm eating some of my kids Halloween candy. Sorry not sorry kids!
*I spend 20 minutes shopping online, putting things in the cart and then closing out the tab.
*that I can't wait for tomorrow night so I can see the newest episode of How to Get Away with Murder.
*that I would rather spend my evening watching beauty videos on YouTube than doing the laundry
*if I don't really know what I want to do, even though I feel like I should be doing something.
*that I am sore as heck because I kicked my own butt at the gym.
*that I am not ready for the holidays and the snow and the arctic weather that I know is coming.
*if I thought I had a lot more to say, but I really don't.

Until Next Time,

xxoo

(Linked up with Shannon from "Life After I Dew") 

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New Opportunities

Our move this past summer provided us with many new opportunities to take advantage of. The opportunities provided to us were; new job for the Mister, create new friendships, rekindle old friendships, spend more time with family, go back to school, become a Stella & Dot stylist, buy our first marital home....just to name a few.

When a new opportunity presents itself to me I go through the whole range of emotions. I have been finding it difficult to readjust to life back to my hometown. While my friends and family are much closer than before, I am missing the friends that became family while I was away. Traditions we had as a family of 6 will change now, as it is expected that we shall follow the traditions of my first family. The life that I once knew living here is no more. Time did not stand still while I was away, people have changed..I have changed.

There are days that I struggle with finding a new balance. I have been impatient waiting to find out whether or not some of the opportunities I have sought after are going to come to light. I want it so badly, I can taste it. Patience is not one of my finer qualities, but it is something that I actively work on. All I can do is sit here and wait.

Tomorrow is a new day full of new opportunities to take advantage of.

Until next time,

xxoo

Motherhood

Fear is something that has a tendency to hold us back, especially me. I used to be such a free spirit who would jump head first into things and worry about the consequences later. There are a lot of days where I miss that girl. I think the fear took over when I became a mother and I was responsible for the life of someone else.

Do you know who fear's best friend is? Worry! I worry a lot. I worry about things that I have absolutely no control over, especially my kids. I don't want to micromanage my children, I know that they need to have room to grow, they need to make mistakes and learn from them. I cannot solve all of their problems, trust me when I say that I want to. I worry about losing them. I worry about them losing me. I worry about who they're hanging around with, whether or not they'll make the right choice when I'm not there to make sure they do. I have spent the last 13 years worrying and I don't foresee it slowing down anytime soon.

These two beautiful human beings I brought into this world consume my heart. They are my biggest accomplishments and the best things that have ever happened to me. I am learning to let go of my (excessive) worries and fears...Let go and let God. The biggest lesson I am trying to implement at this stage in my life is "Let your faith be bigger than your fear".

A mother's greatest gift is the love of her children.

(Via)

Until next time, 

xxoo

World Cerebral Palsey Day

Since 2012, the first Wednesday of October has become World Cerebral Palsey Day. World Cerebral Palsey Day is a movement of and for people who live with cerebral palsy, as well as their families and organizations that support them. 

This day is held very near and dear to my heart, as my best friends son has cerebral palsy. He is the most adorable little man, whose smile lights up the entire room. My best friend and her husband are absolutely amazing, he definitely lucked out in the parental department! 

If you know someone who has Cerebral Palsey, make sure to rock your GREEN today! If you're on social media make sure you tag it #worldcpday. 

If you'd like more information about World Cerebral Palsey Day, please head over here and check it out! 

Until next time! 

xoxo

Muscles and Mascara

This past week I got back into working out for the first time since we moved in June. Let me tell you... I am soooo sore! It has been forever since I have been in a gym, as my workouts previously consisted of playing softball, playing volleyball, and getting my butt whipped into shape by Shaun T with his T25 workouts. My Mister got a gym membership and picked one up for me while he was there, so I figured that I might as well put it to use. I went 3 times this week and plan on sticking with that for now. I also plan on incorporating T25 back into my daily workout routine at some point

Monday I spent 90 minutes at the gym. I didn't really have a sense of direction, so I did 20 minutes on an exercise bike before moving onto the weight machines. Wednesday I focused on legs by doing squats with a 25 pound kettle ball, as well as using the leg press machine. My poor legs are still feeling it!  Today I wanted to take it easy on my poor legs, so I did 30 minutes on the bike before hitting the mats for some intense ab workouts. 

When I workout I need to listen to something, as it helps make the time go by. This week I have been listening to the Dave Ramsey podcast on my phone to help pass the time. I also bring a book or magazine to read while I pedal on the exercise bike. I ended my gym session today by relaxing in the sauna for 10 minutes. 

While I think it is to early to see any physical progress from this week's workout, my sore muscles mean that it's working.The gain will totally be worth the pain that I am feeling right now.  

Relaxing these muscles for the weekend before hitting the gym hard again on Monday. Have a great weekend. 

Until next time, 

xxoo

New beginnings...

I have been bouncing around the idea of starting a new blog for a couple of weeks now, as I have been feeling like I need to do something that is about and for me. I have an old blog that is still floating around on the world wide web, but I just felt that it would be easier to start fresh. So…here I am! I hope now that I've finally gotten around to creating this space, I will quit thinking about it at bedtime and actually be able to get some sleep! 

There is so much newness going on around me that I haven't actually had time to process it all yet. Three months ago our family moved 1200 miles from the southeast coast to the midwest, as my husband's job has relocated us…such is the life of military families. We ended up getting stationed in my home state and we plan on retiring here one day, so we bought our first marital home. I am absolutely obsessed with our new home. I hate living in chaos, so our house was all unpacked within the first two weeks of us living here. #beastmode While I am back where I came from, life is different here this time. I don't know if I can really explain it, but I am going to try. I do love that I am close to my friends and family; I just can't help but miss my friends that became my family over the past 4 years. They have all left their imprints on my heart and I hope that one day our lives will cross paths again. 

The kids are back in school now and thriving in their new environments. They have been making a lot of new friends through their activities (running club, football, soccer, and volleyball) and at their new schools. I have been meeting new people, as well as catching up with old friends. The Mister is kicking butt at his new job, but that's not really much of a surprise as he's kind of a badass! 

Dinner should be here shortly (it is delivery not DiGiorno's), so I'm going to get my kids fed, turn on some football and wait for my Mister to get home. 

Take it easy and have a great night! 

Until next time, 

xxoo