Catching up!

Life has been really busy for me lately and it has been a good kind of busy! 

I have officially started my internship and I am getting adjusted to being away from home 9 hours a day four days a week. When I get home it's straight to making dinner and getting the herd to where they need to go! Since I have been getting up so early I've been heading to bed shortly have the herd and haven't taken the time to write here. I want to incorporate blogging and exercise back into my daily routine, I just need to get it figured out. No pressure though because I am not trying to stress out! 

I am loving my internship! I love being out of the house and doing something. I am a lot happier now that I have this going on. I am probably getting ahead of myself, seeing as how I have not been on site very long, but I am hopeful that I get hired on at the end of this internship. I did not know that I would have an interest working in a residential treatment program, but I am really enjoying it. I am currently just a shadow and it's been a really cool experience. I am ready to start transitioning back into the workforce. 

The herd seems to be adjusting okay so far to my not being here when they get home from school. I thought I would have some guilt about being away, but that's not the case at all. I get home about 45 minutes or so after they do so that helps. 

I didn't realize how much I needed this internship for my sanity. I have always had a bit of regret for leaving my employment to become a stay at home mom. I love my herd and I just had a hard time adjusting my role. I feel normal and more like my old self now and I just feel lighter and happier. It makes me a better and more patient mom and wife. So far so good! I hope it continues to go well!!

I have tomorrow off and a to-do list a million miles long! The first thing on my list is to catch some zzz's after the herd gets on the bus in the morning. Then I can worry about what else I have to do. 

Until next time, 

xoxo 

Getting that self respect

Earlier in the month I read an article on Facebook where the author talks about 30 things that you stop doing when you have self respect. I don't recall who wrote it, but I loved it so much that I wrote down the key points in my journal. Tonight I was flipping through and saw it and took a moment to reflect on what it means for me in my life.

I don't do a good job setting boundaries in my personal relationships with people. I don't say "yes" when I should because I'm exhausted from all of times I said yes when I really should have said "no". It is my own fault really, as I am tirelessly trying to please others while not taking care of myself when and how I should. One of the main areas of focus for my 36th year is self care and learning to love myself better.

It seems like a lifetime ago that I made time for the things that I love in life, things that made me happy which, in turn, made me a better person. I used to be carefree. I used to be down for whatever. There are so many things I used to be. I don't know when or where that changed, but I often find my mind wandering back to those days and trying to figure out where it went wrong. Yes, I said wrong! What the heck is wrong with me?! NOTHING! People change, people grow and the ups and downs I've gone through over the years have shaped me into the person that I am now. I no longer am interested in going out to bars and hanging out until early morning hours. That's okay. I prefer to hang around the house and that's okay. I like to plan things in advance and I no longer find it fun to have things pop up at the last minute. That's okay. What I really need is to just be okay with who I've become. I hear a lot of "well you used too..." yes I did, past tense.

This is the year I want to say yes when I mean and a firm no when I don't. I want to take better care of myself. I want to accept my changes and be okay with it. Haters be damned! The only approval that I need is that of myself! I will not try to get ahead of myself here, it will be hard work and it will take time. I have high hopes for this year. I believe that 36 is going to be a big year for me, one of big changes, new adventures, and so many wonderful things! I cannot wait to see what it brings and I am ready to put in the work to get there!

Until next time,

xoxo

Counting my Blessings

I am sitting here on the eve of Christmas Eve and I am thinking about all the time I waste on negative thoughts and feelings. This past week someone very important in my son's life lost their father to suicide. My heart absolutely breaks for them. Death is hard to begin with, but to lose someone unexpectedly and by their own hand is devastating. Life is so precious and should not be taken for granted, yet there are so many moments that are. I don't try to be ungrateful for my life and my blessings, but I know that at times I am. Tonight I want to refocus on my energy, my thoughts, and my feelings towards the positive. Tonight I am counting my blessings.

I am blessed...

* to have a loving husband
* with four healthy and happy (well when I'm not "ruining" their preteen/teenage lives) kids
* with good health
* to have such loving and supporting parents
* to have a house that we have made a home
* to have meaningful friendships
* with kindness and love in my heart
* to have the best siblings and nieces and nephews on the planet!
* with a husband who works super hard so that I can be home with the kids
* to have a husband who supports me 100%
* with children that love me unconditionally
* to have the cutest and cuddliest cats

Tonight, and every night, I am blessed to be alive.

Until next time,

xoxo