Catching up!

Life has been really busy for me lately and it has been a good kind of busy! 

I have officially started my internship and I am getting adjusted to being away from home 9 hours a day four days a week. When I get home it's straight to making dinner and getting the herd to where they need to go! Since I have been getting up so early I've been heading to bed shortly have the herd and haven't taken the time to write here. I want to incorporate blogging and exercise back into my daily routine, I just need to get it figured out. No pressure though because I am not trying to stress out! 

I am loving my internship! I love being out of the house and doing something. I am a lot happier now that I have this going on. I am probably getting ahead of myself, seeing as how I have not been on site very long, but I am hopeful that I get hired on at the end of this internship. I did not know that I would have an interest working in a residential treatment program, but I am really enjoying it. I am currently just a shadow and it's been a really cool experience. I am ready to start transitioning back into the workforce. 

The herd seems to be adjusting okay so far to my not being here when they get home from school. I thought I would have some guilt about being away, but that's not the case at all. I get home about 45 minutes or so after they do so that helps. 

I didn't realize how much I needed this internship for my sanity. I have always had a bit of regret for leaving my employment to become a stay at home mom. I love my herd and I just had a hard time adjusting my role. I feel normal and more like my old self now and I just feel lighter and happier. It makes me a better and more patient mom and wife. So far so good! I hope it continues to go well!!

I have tomorrow off and a to-do list a million miles long! The first thing on my list is to catch some zzz's after the herd gets on the bus in the morning. Then I can worry about what else I have to do. 

Until next time, 

xoxo 

September Goals

I saw this on Neely's blog and thought it was a great way to keep track of my monthly goals!

(Via)

September Goals-2017

1. Wash and wax wood floors
2. Clean out under the stairs
3. Pack lunches daily
4. Pull out fall decorations
5. Get an A in my class
6. Schedule microblading consultation
7. Blog at least 4 days per week
8. Take more pictures and include them in blog posts
9. Visit the apple orchard
10. Exercise 3-4 days per week (run at least once per week)


I have a lot of goals that I'd like to include, but it is best to not overwhelm myself and create an impossible list. September is going to be about figuring out a balance with interning Monday through Friday, while taking 3 classes, taking care of our home and our herd. I'm excited to see how I do!

Until next time,

xoxo

Weekend Recap

Friday
Today I was hoping for some me time, but it did not go as planned. I took myself and my book to lunch at Sola's pizza, so yummy! While I was at lunch I received a phone call from the doctor that since Bubs had not passed his hearing tests that he was being referred to the audiologist. They thought it made the most sense to reschedule his ENT appointment for his chronic strep throat to be able to see the audiologist too. It is nice that I will only have to make one trip, but it did push his appointment back a month. When I finished eating I received a phone call from my SIL and MIL looking for my mister. His aunt was going to be removed from her ventilator and they wanted us to know. My heart breaks for his family. I wish I could have been there to give them big hugs.

On my way home I stopped to pick up my new prescription that is supposed to help slow down my hair loss. The pharmacist told me to take it immediately (3:30 p.m.) and that it would cause an increase in energy and I may have trouble sleeping. All future doses are to be taken in the morning. He was wrong about the increase in energy, but was not wrong with the sleeping. I didn't fall asleep until 4:00 a.m. Saturday morning! Ugh

I picked up a Starbucks Refresher and headed to the nail salon to get a pedicure. I got phone calls from 2 of my kids and my mister while I was sitting there. I should have silenced my phone, ha! I headed home to start getting dinner ready before I had to leave to pick up Lil Mama for the rest of the weekend. Ran around to softball practice, went home made dinner, picked up Mini from softball and then dropped her back off at home before I headed to my Board meeting. What a busy day. It is supposed to rain all weekend...bummer!

Saturday
3 hours of sleep is all I got today! I thought for sure that since it was storming all night and that all the football games had been canceled that soccer would be as well. I was wrong. We left at 7:30 a.m. to get to the fields, everyone was there and ready to rock! The rain took a break and held off until we were driving home from his game, which I was grateful for! I got back to the house and did Lil Mama's nails and we watched Paw Patrol before she laid down for her nap. I power napped on the couch for 20 minutes and then got ready for the night!

If you have never been to an Escape room I highly recommend that you check it out. I had so much fun! I went with my best friend, her husband, and another couple to celebrate Mel's birthday. It was a surprise put together by her husband, so sweet! My Mister had to work so he wasn't able to join since we would be an hour away.

The escape room was like a scene from the movie Saw, kinda creepy. We had 60 minutes to escape and we managed to do it with 5 minutes and 51 seconds to spare! We didn't think we would seeing as how it took us 40 minutes to figure out how to unhand-cuff ourselves from each other! After we were freed we went out for sushi. I have never eaten sushi before in my life! I am not an adventurous eater by any means, but I thought what the heck let's give it a try. It was a vegetable only sushi and it wasn't that bad. I ordered veggie fried rice for dinner and it was delicious! With a full belly I said goodbye and made the hour drive back to the Cities to meet my husband at his friends house for the fights. I don't really understand how it all works but it was nice to hang out with good company and get a bit of a break.

Sunday
Man oh man did I wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning! The day started crappy and no matter what I tried I wasn't able to pull it together. I was woken before 8:00 a.m. by Lil Mama who was up and ready for the day. I turned on cartoons and made her breakfast. It was probably about 2 hours later that I kept hearing this weird banging sound so I went to investigate as I realized I hadn't seen the cats since the day before. Sure enough they were both locked up in Bean's room. I don't know how long they had been there, but it was awhile. They went to the bathroom all over her room and tried to dig their way out, which destroyed the carpet. The kids were playing in her room (like they weren't supposed to) and shut the door locking the cats inside. I spent the remainder of the morning cleaning her carpets and washing her clothing and bedding so it would be done before she got back from her dad's house for softball.

I laid Lil Mama down for a nap before softball and put dinner in the crockpot. The girls play for a travel fall ball team so they have double headers on Sundays, crockpot meals are a lifesaver for days like these! We get to the field and I lugged all of our stuff to the field. Lil Mama was wiping mud on my bag I had just purchased with my birthday money and as I went to put it inside another bag to keep it clean I got hit on top of the head by a foul ball. Oh em gee! It hurt so bad! I had a nice goose egg on the crown of my head. Next thing I know the lightening sirens go off and we have to clear the field for 30 minutes and the sky opens up and starts pouring on us. I try to get Lil Mama and all of our belongings back to the van without losing my mind because my head was hurting. I finally load it all back into the van and the rain stops and they decide to resume play. *sigh* back across the fields I go.

The girls played well today. Bean kept getting hit by pitches and Mini was making some amazing plays on the field. They won their first game and lost their second. Other than the foul ball to my head it was a good time.

We got home and our garage door wouldn't shut. That was my final straw for the day. I threw in the towel and just wanted to make it through the day until bed time. Lil Mama got picked up by her mom about 10:00 p.m. I submitted my meeting Minutes and called it a day.

Life gets crazy and chaotic at times, but it is very beautiful and I am very grateful for my life and all the wonderful people in it.

Until next time,

xoxo

Power Struggle

I don't really remember much of my childhood and my teenage years. I have many memories of both, of course, but the memories are of significant things that happened not the mundane every day life things. I know that I was a difficult teenager and I don't know how my parents survived, but they did, and that gives me some hope.

There is always a power struggle between parents and their child(ren). The child(ren) wants to be able to express themselves, use their voice, and be in control of their life. Parents, on the other hand, have a job to do with raising them and a certain way they want to do it. Of course we want our child(ren) to express themselves, find their voice and make their own choices. However, we want them to do it on our terms. 

It seems to me the older the kids get the more they want to push back against me and stand on their own two feet. However, they aren't at a place yet where they are willing to accept the consequences of their actions. They want to do things when and how they want, but when it doesn't work out like they thought it would it must be someone else's fault. No responsibility is taken by them for their choice; instead they make excuses and point blame everywhere but where it belongs. 

Don't get me wrong, I have no doubt that is exactly how I behaved as a teenager. I know my parents, especially my father, preached about owning up and taking responsibility for ourselves. I can only speak for myself, but I do know that I was pretty good at taking ownership of my actions. I am not perfect and neither are my kids. This is something that I need to remind myself of from time to time.

The power struggle between a stepparent and their stepchild(rent) is at a very different level than that of a biological relationship. I am a custodial stepmom, which means my step kids live with us full time and I am a key player in how they're being raised and their daily well being. While I do all the same things for my step kids that I do my biological kids, I am constantly reminded that I am nothing more than a stepmom. When, where, how did being a stepmom become such a negative thing? I love and care for these kids every single day. The expectations are that I do all of the work that a "real" mom does, but get none of the respect. I get it, life's not fair, but damn is it ever frustrating.

Anyway, just some food for thought.

Until next time,

xoxo

Unsettled

This is not the first time I've felt this way, I went through something similar 4 years ago with my first move. I was in a new state where I didn't know a soul and had no family or friends to help me out. My Mister worked a lot of hours and it was up to me to tend to the house and the kids. It was overwhelming at first, but eventually we got into a routine that worked for us. As the years went by I became more confident in my abilities to deal with the tough situations without having my parents there to bail me out if I needed them to. I feel that I truly became an independent adult during this time. Prior to getting married I was a single mom who relied on my parents help quite a bit when I was struggling. I am forever grateful for the love and the support that my parents have given me throughout my life.

During those four years I couldn't wait to come back home. I wanted so desperately to go back. I was having such a hard time trying to find me, as my entire identity was back home. This shitty attitude of mine caused tension between the Mister and myself, as I was projecting my frustrations with myself onto him. Totally unfair, but true nonetheless. It was somewhere in my third year there that I lost the attitude and decided to embrace the situation. I was making friends, volunteering my time coaching some of the kids sports, playing sports myself. I had made this place my home and I had a life there.

He was going to get out. We were going to move back to my hometown, that's what I thought I wanted. He received an opportunity that was to good to pass up and it would be stupid to let it pass. It took me a long ass time to realize that home is where my husband and kids are, so no matter where we were going to be assigned next, it was going to be home. Things have a funny way of working out and here we are back in my hometown, exactly where I whined about coming back to. Now that we are here, I am not sure how I feel. People ask me all the time if I'm happy to be back and, to be brutally honest, I'm not. I can't put my finger on what it is that makes feel this way, but I think it is because so much has changed in these past four years. I feel like I should be doing something more with my life now that I'm "home". I hate feeling so unsettled.

One of the other things that bothers me the most is that people that people expect me to go back to the way things were before, my "old life". I don't want to. I struggle with the fact that certain people don't accept my changes and push really hard for the me they used to know. I need my space. I have literally only relied on myself these past four years and I'm okay with that. I NEED my boundaries to be respected. I also need to acknowledge that these people have missed me and the kids. While I tend to feel suffocated and annoyed by certain things, I need to make a conscious effort to remember that they are coming from a place of love. They need to take the time to get to know our family unit as a whole and it's going to take longer than the 5 months that we have been here.

I go back to school in a month. It is not the graduate program that I was once a part of (and so desperately want to go back to); I won't hear the status of that for a few more months. I'm not sure how I feel about this upcoming change. It was never my aspiration to become a stay at home mom, but now that I am one, I can't imagine not being here every day when the kids come home from school. I don't want to overwhelm myself, but I don't want to let anyone down either. I need to find a good balance of what I want to do with my life. The answers aren't going to be found overnight. All I can do is take one day at a time and do the best I can with it.

Gosh this felt really good to get out. I am hopeful that typing these words out will help me sleep tonight with a clear mind.

Until next time,
xoxo